stuck to you
by rippedateveryedge
Summary: "Her thumb traces over each letter, as though she could somehow absorb his words and carry them within herself, always." A sort-of post ep for 8x05, "The Nose."


_A/N: This was first uploaded as a tumblr drabble but I wanted to post it here also as sort of a start point for my new fanfic account. Takes place after 8x05 "The Nose", but no spoilers for future episodes._

She finds the first post-it a few days after she takes his shirt. It's at the bottom of the lowest left desk drawer, a little yellow square against bare wood.

 _Hey. I love you. That's all._

Her thumb traces over each letter, as though she could somehow absorb his words and carry them within herself, always. She pauses over the "a" in "all", but after a moment, she understands. Because despite everything they're going through, despite all the pain she knows she's caused him, he just loves her. No conditions. No exceptions. No requests for anything more, even though all she's giving him right now is a broken heart and a cold side of the bed.

She finds the second post-it the night her lead with Vulcan Simmons dries up. Vikram had called her and told her that none of the heroin they'd recovered has his distinct signature. She cries in front of her new partner, the ache of once again not being able to go home to him biting into her brittle bones. Through her tears she spots the familiar yellow tint peeking out from under a stack of case files.

 _I don't know what's going on with you, but I'm here. Always. Remember that._

Despite her disappointment, she smiles, a thin, watery thing, but she does anyway. Because she knows that's what he wanted her to do. It's what he's wanted for her since the day he told her why she became a cop.

The third post-it comes on a day where she throbs with missing him. She hasn't seen him in the precinct all day, so he must have snuck in when she was at lunch or a meeting or crying in the bathroom because of how much, how painfully she needs him and can't have him. Her cheeks have been stained with her grief ever since.

 _I'm going to wait for you. No matter how long it takes. I will wait for you._

His words, as they have for years, nearly do her in, and she has to clutch the edge of her desk to keep from losing it. Sobs rip through her quaking body and it takes every fiber of her strength not to call him, to hear his soft, steady tone as he soothes her. To ask him if she could please, please come home.

He leaves the fourth note the night after she gives in and starts kissing him when she goes to the loft to get another small bag of her things. He'd pushed her up against the door after several seconds of prolonged eye contact, the look in her eyes unmistakably one of arousal. Her tongue was halfway down his throat when she remembered that no, no, she couldn't do this, she couldn't hurt him more than she already had. And so she'd pulled away and walked out, just like she's always done.

 _I care more than I can say. And last night showed me you do too._

The terrible truth that he'd spent weeks thinking she might no longer love him slaps her in the face yet again. Oh, how she craves to whisper her love into his skin, to feel him inside her as she promises over and over that she would never leave again, that she will never spend a night outside of his embrace. She's damaged him, thoroughly devastated him, and yet she still prays he lets her pick up the broken pieces of his shattered heart and put them back together.

His fifth note is on their wedding anniversary. She'd woken that day with his shirt still clasped tightly in her arms and the bracelet with his promise of always wrapped around her wrist. Even though she normally avoids wearing her fancier jewelry to the precinct, she'd worn her engagement ring today.

 _The moment I met you, my life became extraordinary. You taught me more about myself than I knew there was to learn. You are the joy in my heart. You're the last person I wanna see every night when I close my eyes. I love you Katherine Beckett, and the mystery of you is the one I wanna spend the rest of my life exploring. I promise to love you, to be your friend and your partner in crime and life, til death do us part, and for the time of our lives._

He'd squeezed his vows in tiny handwriting, but it was all there. His love for her, unwavering, as steady as it had been the day he slipped a ring on her finger and made her his wife. She pulls out her phone and plays their song, even though tonight she has to dance alone.

The sixth note is there right after she almost dies chasing the man who slayed the Dragon. One of his hitmen had nearly put a bullet in her head, but Vikram had been there and because of him she lives. Or rather, she can make the choice to live, truly live, if only her real partner will let her make it up to him.

 _No matter how much this has hurt, no matter how upset you've made me, you're still the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met…and I love you Kate._

It's everything.

He finds her first and last post it note just as he's about to leave his PI office for the night. He's disheveled, rumpled, much like the sheets on the couch he sleeps on now. But his heart skitters when he sees the yellow flap and he knows.

 _Castle, can I come home?_

A/N: Thank you for reading. If you would like to review, my only request is that you review the story and not the actual show.


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